The Streets of Metro Manila



A scene so familiar in the streets of Metro Manila - children begging. Everytime I come home, I see these sights and I'm sick to my stomach.

A dayÂ’s worth of blessings

I was taught, even at an early age, to count my blessings daily. Even on bad days, I try to think of good reasons why I ought to be thankful for another day. It keeps me from whining. It also helps me appreciate life a little better.

1. Thank God for Fridays! I have been looking forward to weekend since Monday this week. It had been a long haul for me, but I survived it!
2. Thank God for friends! I had lunch with friends today - one of whom celebrated his birthday the other day (Belated happy birthday D!). It was a sumptuous buffet at Todai's - one of my favorite places. We went back to work with full tummies and sleepy eyes.
3. Thank God for another day! Everyday, while taking a bath, I utter my silent prayers - first of which is to thank God for giving me another day. Some people die in their sleep you know.
4. Thank God for my job! I may dread going to work on most days, but at least I still have one.
5. Thank God for the chance to talk to my husband last night! Even when my phone bill is sky-high, I make it a point to call hubz every night. It's the only way we could keep the communication line open. He keeps me posted on how his day is progressing, and I keep him informed on how my day went. On not-so-good days, I take comfort knowing that he's there to hear my woes out.

I had an earful of sermon from my boss today regarding how our projects are progressing. It seems like I get a dose of these everyday that it goes into my right ear, and exits my left one. What can I say - people are working as hard as ever, and if the zombie-like look in their eyes isn't evidence enough, I don't know what else is.

On days like this, the more I need to remind myself that there are still a lot to be thankful for - and so the list goes on and on and on....

What's in a N-A-M-E?

I get asked when I am going to carry my husband's name, what my new last name is, or when I am going to change my name. For personal reasons - reasons that has something to do about my husband's petition to come to the US, I haven't changed my name, and my husband understands that.



Really, what's in a name?



If I don't carry my husband's name, does that mean I don't love him enough? Does that mean he isn't important to me?



Well, if it ain't obvious, he's the most important person in my life now. After all, we're a family. Plus, he knows I love him dearly.



I told him that when he's here (hopefully soon), I'd hyphenate his name with mine. He agreed because he knows that I've built my reputation around the name my father gave me. After all, I have been carrying it all my life.



I have known women who, after getting married, decided not to change their names. I respect that. I truly believe that marriage shouldn't be measured by carrying a common last name alone.



We all have our reasons. We can debate over this for hours. Women ought to have the option to keep their names, and not be criticized or questioned by that choice. After all, sons are able to carry on the family's name, but daughters' can't. At least not in the society we're in, or not unless you're an unmarried woman with children.

I'm a sucker for a good love story. I love watching romantic movies. I enjoy reading romantic novels. As a little girl, dreams of a handsome prince sweeping me off my feet kept me up until late at night.



I met hubz more than ten years ago because of a common friend who introduced us to each other. If someone told me then that we'd end up getting married someday, I would've rolled my eyes, laughed, and shrugged it off. Ours wasn't a perfect realtionship - it was a tumultuous one! I was as stubborn as a bull (living up to my Ox sign). A lot of times, I can sense he wanted so much to give up on me. I'm sure glad he didn't though!



After we got married, I was more in love with my husband than ever before. I love the feeling of waking up in his arms. You can just imagine how cold I feel now that I'm back to SFO on my own. There's no better feeling in the world than to spend your lifetime with someone you love more than life itself.



To tell you the truth, I have a hard time imagining myself being just a plain housewife. So it surprised me how I could voluntarily adjust to being domesticated. Last year, when he went to work, and I was home, I'd make sure I have his breakfast prepared. We would dine together before he goes off to work. I would also prepare the clothes he'd wear for work. I even made sure I prepared his lunch. After work, I make it a point to be home to ask how his day went, or give him a little shoulder and back massage. It was a great feeling being a wife. In fact, I'd gladly give up my professional life any day if I will be asked to choose between being a wife (and a future mom) over my career.



Being apart from him is just something I will never get used to. If I used to smile when I watch or read love stories, I would now shed tears. I wish ours is as easy as those written on books, or seen on movies.



This year, we will be celebrating our tenth year anniversary. As I look forward to fifty or so more, I just want to express how much I love my guy. Everyday, I pray that immigration laws will soon change so we could be together faster.



I'm a long distance wife. People still ask how I do it. I take it one day at a time. I may look brave on the outside, but if you really look inside my heart, you'd see the pain of being away from a loved one.

When I first came into the company I'm working for today, I was so excited. Everyday, I look forward to waking up to get ready for work. I love the culture because everybody's just easy to talk to, and eager to help. I remembered being so busy for a few months, getting a month break from the heavy workload, and getting another rush of projects. In fact, there were a number of employees who survived without even lifting a finger in all the years they've worked for the company.



Recession came and there were layoffs everywhere. We were not spared of the massive layoffs that threatened technology companies. It was such a devastating day to see a lot of employees leaving work because they were laid off. Every employee's morale came down. Everybody was scared that they're next on the list.



After that massive layoff, things started to change. The culture became different. It seems that competition was on the air. You have to take on a lot more that what you're used to so you can be assured of your job. The projects kept coming, but people kept going as the layoffs continued on. If, in the past, you were able to survive sitting around all day, twidling your fingers, you can't do that anymore. If, after a project, you see a little break in between, you don't see it at all anymore. You work hard, and harder - day after day.



Now I practically drag myself out of bed to get ready for work. I don't look forward to another day at the dungeons. It's a torture coming to work because I know, the only break I'll have is a bathroom break. If you ask my co-workers, they'll tell you that they feel the same way. We're all overworked and stressed, and we don't see the trend coming to an end, or even slowing down.

Here, there, everywhere....

I used to travel a lot. There was a time when my roommate and I would pack our bags, get into the car, and go as far as our cars would take us. My fondest memories of our adventures were driving in the middle of the night to get to Reno from Yosemite, stopping only to get a few hours of sleep at Mono Lake. There was also this trip to the East Coast where we drove from New York City to Niagara Falls (a 10 hour long drive), stayed a couple of nights, and drove up to Massachusette's Martha's Vineyard from there (an exhausting 12 hour drive). I remembered getting to Cape Cod at 3am in the morning, and sleeping inside the car, on a well-lit mall parking lot to catch the 7am boat ride to the Vineyard. From Martha's Vineyard, we got up to Providence, then to the New England States - New Hampshire and Maine. It was such a fun trip and one I thoroughly enjoyed. I have also been all over New York, driving with my dad from the City to Jersey, to Maryland, to Washington DC. Not to mention trips from the Bay Area to Los Angeles. My second Thanksgiving in the US brought me to Las Vegas, then to Arizona with friends.

The last trip I remembered was to Maui where we stayed for a week. We went there on my birthday in 2001. The next day, we woke up to a haunting scene on TV that we thought was a clip from a movie. All channels depicted the same thing. It was then that we realized we were watching a real horror scene from 9-11!

Part of the reason why I love to travel is my love for photography. I'm into landscape photos, and the only way I can satisfy my creative persona is to go to places where I've never been before. I always knew God created a beautiful world. With those pictures, I am able to stand in awe of God's majestic creation and through my camera, share it with other peple, hoping that in the process, they'd thank God for those gifts as much as I have.

Why had I stopped travelling if it's something I truly enjoyed? For the most part, we bought a house in AC. We had to tighten our belts because the first year is always the toughest. Prior to that, I had a house built for my family back home which dried up my savings. It was supposed to be a surprise to my mom, but she learned about it halfway through the construction. Nevertheless, she was equally happy anyhow. The next year posed another challenge because we were preparing for our wedding, and there were expenses that, to this day, we still couldn't believe we were able to afford!

Now, I still have to postpone travelling because I need to save my vacation time for my yearly trip home - to be with my husband, even for as short as a month. When I'm home, we try to travel as much as our schedules would permit us to, which can be quite a challenge sometimes.

So, until hubz is able to come here, plans for travelling might have to take the back seat.

A few posts back, I blogged about the 6.2 mile walk I did for the AIDS Foundation to raise funds.  I wish they had something similar for prostate cancer.  This is one cause so dear to my heart.  I'd probably raise funds with a little more passion.  I hate the Big C.  Everyday I pray that a cure will soon be found to spare those suffering from this disease. 



Eighteen years ago, I lost one of the most important people in my life to prostate cancer - my grandfather.  I was only 12 then, but my heart was torn to pieces.  He was my closest kin, and being the eldest grandchild, I was his favorite.  When he was alive, nobody could hurt me and get away with it.  Talk about a spoiled brat!  If I wanted something, all I need to do is ask and I'd get it. 



I guess I was this close to him because he was one person who believed in me.  At the end of every school year, he would give me gifts - my incentive for bringing home good grades.  To him, I am the smartest one even when my other cousins actually made it to the honor roll.  He had high hopes for me too.  He wanted me to become a doctor or a lawyer.  He always knew I had it in me. 



For sometime, I questioned God why he took tatay away from me.  I didn't only lose a grandfather, but I lost an ally.  Our relatives couldn't lay a finger at us when he was alive because they would hear tatay's wrath.  When he passed away, we were taunted and mocked upon.  They thought we wouldn't amount to anything.



I eventually proved them wrong.  Because someone believed in me, I had the courage to dream.  I dreamt big because that was what he taught me to do.  I aimed high because he wouldn't expect anything less.  I had to achieve my goals because I knew he was right beside me, watching and guiding me.  For every failure, I am able to stand up because I knew he was cheering for me.  For every success, I knew he was celebrating with me. 



Whenever I'd come home, I would visit his grave and pray.  18 years have passed but I still can't help but cry.  When I remember him, I still get teary-eyed.  You don't get over losing someone you love.  You just keep good memories flowing through your thoughts. 



He had been my angel when he was alive.  Now he is truly an angel keeping watch over me.