Hubz and I got to see sex and the City 2 over the weekend. I love the scene where Miranda and Charlotte were talking about being married and having kids. In it, they somehow said that they love their kids but they sometimes wish they could get a break from them. Charlotte even mentioned that she felt overwhelmed, even when she has help. Then they did a toast to all women with kids who do not have any help available to them.
I am one of those women. Charlotte's overwhelmed feeling resonates with me. Everyday, I pray for a few minutes alone so I can take a bath longer than my usual 5-10 minutes, and in peace. Having time alone to do the things we love is a luxury for me and my husband these days. We are numb to chaos and noise. Our day is full of laughter, tears, screaming, arguing. Rest comes when the boys are all deep asleep, only to do it all over again the next day.
I remembered a teammate once said that the biggest mistake they ever did was allowed themselves to be outnumbered. Yes, we are outnumbered but I wouldn't necessarily consider it a mistake. We love these children so much, which is why we're willing to go through hell or high water to raise them up.
To me, having children requires a balancing act worthy of an olympic gold medal. Not having help while raising these kids - crazy to some, but reality to us. In the Philippines, help is within reach. In fact, almost all households in the Philippines has one to three household helpers. Growing up, we are probably the only family there who do not have a helper. My mom insisted on training us to do household chores by ourselves. She taught us to cook, do the laundry, clean the house, do the dishes, iron the clothes. I didn't enjoy those chores then, but when I lived on my own, I realized how invaluable those skills were. I thought she was training us to become maids! Little did I know that she was training us to be independent. I got the most out of that bootcamp when I lived overseas, got married, and had kids.
Thank you for the toast, Miranda and Charlotte. It is okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time. It is okay to tune out all the noise once in a while, for sanity's sake. But everytime I ask myself if we are truly doing the right thing, I remind myself of an entry in my journal more than 10 years ago. Back then, my life revolved around my job - working 24x7. At that time, I was crying my heart out because all I wanted was to get married and have children so my life wouldn't revolve around work, and that even if I do work hard, I have my husband and kids for inspiration, and I know that I'm doing it for them. So, on days when I feel I'm on the brink, these beautiful and angelic faces remind me that God answered my prayers so I have no reason to complain.