Answered Prayers

Hubz and I got to see sex and the City 2 over the weekend.  I love the scene where Miranda and Charlotte were talking about being married and having kids.  In it, they somehow said that they love their kids but they sometimes wish they could get a break from them.  Charlotte even mentioned that she felt overwhelmed, even when she has help.  Then they did a toast to all women with kids who do not have any help available to them. 

I am one of those women.  Charlotte's overwhelmed feeling resonates with me.  Everyday, I pray for a few minutes alone so I can take a bath longer than my usual 5-10 minutes, and in peace.  Having time alone to do the things we love is a luxury for me and my husband these days.  We are numb to chaos and noise.  Our day is full of laughter, tears, screaming, arguing.  Rest comes when the boys are all deep asleep, only to do it all over again the next day. 

I remembered a teammate once said that the biggest mistake they ever did was allowed themselves to be outnumbered.  Yes, we are outnumbered but I wouldn't necessarily consider it a mistake.  We love these children so much, which is why we're willing to go through hell or high water to raise them up. 

To me, having children requires a balancing act worthy of an olympic gold medal.  Not having help while raising these kids - crazy to some, but reality to us.  In the Philippines, help is within reach.  In fact, almost all households in the Philippines has one to three household helpers.  Growing up, we are probably the only family there who do not have a helper.  My mom insisted on training us to do household chores by ourselves.  She taught us to cook, do the laundry, clean the house, do the dishes, iron the clothes.  I didn't enjoy those chores then, but when I lived on my own, I realized how invaluable those skills were.  I thought she was training us to become maids!  Little did I know that she was training us to be independent.  I got the most out of that bootcamp when I lived overseas, got married, and had kids. 

Thank you for the toast, Miranda and Charlotte.  It is okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time.  It is okay to tune out all the noise once in a while, for sanity's sake.  But everytime I ask myself if we are truly doing the right thing, I remind myself of an entry in my journal more than 10 years ago.  Back then, my life revolved around my job - working 24x7.  At that time, I was crying my heart out because all I wanted was to get married and have children so my life wouldn't revolve around work, and that even if I do work hard, I have my husband and kids for inspiration, and I know that I'm doing it for them.  So, on days when I feel I'm on the brink, these beautiful and angelic faces remind me that God answered my prayers so I have no reason to complain.

And I thought I could rest... 

One thing I realized since becoming a mom is that there is no rest, especially when you do not have the luxury of a nanny.  This three week break gave me a chance to bond with my boys - and bond so much we did!  My boys have been tugging my pants since Day 1.  All day I play with them, clean the mess, take care of the boys.  The husband is helping (bless him!) so that has been keeping me sane throughout.  In the afternoon, we head to the park.  Kail plays in the playground, or rides the bike with his dad, while Calix and I would walk around the park several times.  This serves as our family's exercise (as if we needed one after running after the kids all day!).  

I can only do the things I want to do (like scrapbook) when the kids are asleep - either taking a nap or sleeping through the night.  This leaves me feeling so tired the next day because I get to bed around 12mn or 1am!  

Am I complaining?  Nope - not at all!  It's tough sometimes, yes, but I won't have it any other way.  Our kids bring us tremendous joy - one that's beyond imagining.  They also give us gray hair and wrinkles, but we've long since accepted that it's part of the package.  I'm thankful for this chance to spend three whole weeks as a dotting mom.  

I am one who takes pride in being able to balance career and family life, but at the back of my mind, I had hoped that I wouldn't be in a position when I would have to choose between career and family because the choice is obvious. To someone who values family like I do, it's hands down family right? But, it wasn't as easy a choice as I thought.

I was recently faced with a decision between career advancement and family. I talked to hubz about it and he said it best - "Weigh your priorities. Choose what will make you happy". In the end, I decided to forego that chance to climb up the corporate ladder.

Because I can work from home on most days, I get that opportunity to take part in my kids' milestones. Time with my kids is something I will never be able to get back would I miss their growing up years. Sure, I'd get the chance to rub shoulders with who's who in the company but what good would that do if my own kids wouldn't even recognize me? At the end of the day, their hugs and wet kisses mean more to me than all the money and fame in the world. After all, I'm a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and I couldn't be happier.

Welcome Calix Matthias!

Calix was born on May 8, 2008 at 8:48 am via a scheduled C-section at Sutter Solano Medical Center in Vallejo. He weighed 9.6 lbs and was 21 inches long at birth. Like his kuya, he is in perfect health and he brought with him tremendous joy.

I am currently recovering from complications on my C-section. My doctor referred to it as wound hematoma. In layman's terms, my incision hasn't closed because I had clots and the inside isn't healing as expected. With this, I have had to visit my OB daily to have her change the dressing. I have also been in pain since Day 1 though I refuse to take pain killers unless necessary because I am trying to breastfeed. This has been a traumatic post partum recovery and it made me seriously consider not having another one. My only consolation amidst all these is that I have another beautiful son whom I absolutely adore.

Belated Happy Mother's Day to all. Here's to the many sacrifices moms can endure for the sake of their beloved children.

Please include me in your prayers for a speedy recovery as well.

Today Kail walked on his own. I've always known he can do it but he's a little scared of letting go. So while I was at work, he made his first steps, and he's been walking like a pro since then. He walks fast, but surprisingly, he doesn't fall. It's as if he has been walking for a while now.

One of the things I hate about being a working mom is that I get to miss these firsts - special moments that I thought I should have the priviledge of witnessing. It broke my heart that I wasn't there when he took his first steps.

I thought about telling hubz about my sentiments but decided not to. After all, at least I was able to see him walk when I came to pick him up. He, on the other hand, has missed a lot more firsts. He can't even hug his son! I have no right to complain. I'm seeing my son grow right before my very eyes, and today, he just proved that he is, indeed growing up fast, faster than I would've wanted.

Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I had to drag Kail out of bed by 5:40am, was on the road by 5:45, and dropped him off Auntie C’s house by 6am. By 6:05, I was back on the road on my way to work. While driving away, I was really crying. I feel bad having to take Kail out on a 51 degree weather but I don’t have a choice because I have to go to work. Even when Kail was his usual happy self, humming and baby talking, it still didn’t change what I felt.

J said it best – we do what we gotta do. If we had a choice, we wouldn’t do it otherwise. It’s true, I don’t have a choice. I have to work because my son is depending on me, and I’m depending on me, and my whole family is depending on me.

Come to think of it, I have simple dreams. I just want to be able to stay at home, watch my kids grow, and be able to take care of them.

I couldn’t help but count down for retirement – which is eons away!!!! Wish I could win the lottery!

Today of all days, Ma had the sniffles. I was so worried last night because she wasn't able to attend the J's birthday dinner since she wasn't feeling well. I needed to go to work today. It was our big install. So this morning, while I was washing Kail's bottles and preparing his things for the day, I was close to tears. The tears wouldn't fall though - maybe because I was just too tired, too stressed out, and too sleep-deprived to be emotional.

I asked whether she wanted to take the day to rest and reccuperate but she said she's ok to take care of Kail. I was prepared to call Auntie C (thanks J) to beg her to take care of Kail today. I really needed to come to work because I was on support. I'd probably lose my job if I don't show up - so there, it's that critical! In the end, I conceded because I saw Kail sound asleep. It just breaks my heart that I have to work and not be able to stay home like other moms can.

Tomorrow's another day… and yes, I also need to go to work.

My life as a working mom sometimes sucks! But everytime I see Kail happy and smiling and healthy, I just couldn't complain. He makes all the sacrifices worth my while.

This Too, Shall Pass

This has been my mantra when Kail was born - amidst sleepless nights, crying spells, adjustments on becoming a new mom, bouts with post partum depression. Sure enough, when Kail turned three months, life became so much better. He could sleep through the night, waking up only for feedings, the crying diminished (or is it because I can somehow guess why he's fussing?). I'd talk to him and he would coo back, with a matching toothless grin or a shriek. Though I love this time, I realize that my baby is growing up fast!

Just when the fun begins, I needed to go back to work. I spent the night before my first day back just gazing at him, hugging and kissing him. I know I'd miss him terribly, after spending those wonderful but exhausting 3 1/2 months with him. April 17 came and I cried when the alarm clock went off. I was sobbing when I left home. I would find myself daydreaming at work, and a tear would fall from time to time. When it was time for me to go home, my car almost flew. Seeing my son again was pure bliss. He was crying when I came home. As soon as I held him in my arms, he stopped and beamed at me. When I fed him, he wouldn't let go of my breast even when I knew he wasn't getting any more milk there. He wanted to be held all the time. I guess he must've missed me too!

Our time together may have been cut short by my need to report back to work. The quantity of time spent may become less but I intend to make up with quality. My heart would always ache when I leave and I would always wish I could be a stay at home mom. For now, I have to take it one day at a time and know that my time at work will pass. Knowing that my son also looks forward to my coming home is a sweet thought that keeps me going.

Mommy: Q & A

Sorry Day, for not responding on your tag right away.

How did you feel during those first few days after the birth?
==> I had a C-section so it was really hard for me to move around. But, I couldn't keep lying down because I had a baby to take care of. Also, I find myself crying for no apparent reason. Sometimes, when my baby cries, I am also in tears.

How were you emotionally?
==> Like I said, I just cry for no apparent reason. I am emotional whenever I see (on TV) children being abused - those scouring for food to eat in the garbage. Being a mom truly makes you susceptible to all the plights of children in the world!

Is there anything you wish people had told you about the postpartum period?
==> I wish they told me that there will be times when my patience will be tested, especially when the baby cries all night.

How long do you plan to breastfeed?
==> Up to 3 months, hopefully. He's mixed fed right now. I had to supplement with formula because my breastmilk isn't sufficient.

Do you have any advice for getting through those first weeks of breastfeeding?
==> I was fortunate because Kail latched on perfectly since Day 1. My only problem was my milk supply. I'd advise everyone to persevere and keep at it no matter how frustrating it can be. The rewards are enormous, and it's for the baby's welfare. Drink lots of fluids, especially water.

Was there any stress between you and your husband over the baby?
==> On times when I'm sleep deprived and cradling a crying baby in my arms, I really detest him not being here. There were also nights when I had to hang up on him due to frustration. I know it's not his fault but I just can't help it.

Let's talk about your body, Did things get totally rearranged?
==> Not really - I just have some more weight to lose.

Care to share how much you weighed before and how much now?
==> I was 96 lbs pre-pregnancy, 133 lbs on the day prior to giving birth, and 110 lbs now.

What advice-or comfort-can you offer other new moms about their weight ?
==> It took us 9 months to beef up so don't expect to lose all those weight overnight.

How important is it for you to have a work identity?
==> More than work identity, I need to keep my job so my baby and I would survive. I am the breadwinner (at least until my husband comes here) so I have no choice but to keep working. Much as I'd like to be a SAHM someday, I also want to work (even part time) to earn money. Aside from my son, my family in the Philippines (mom, brother, grandma) are also my dependents.

Was your baby a lot of fun right from the start?
==> Oh no - he cried a lot!

What's your baby like now?
==> He now smiles a lot, coos, and so much fun!

It would be nice to hear from other mom's too, so if your not busy with your little one, care to share - Jody, April, Litcoo, Alpha, Olive, Leirs, Meeya, Marie, Josephine.

To Bank or Not To Bank

Hubz and I have made an important decision to bank our baby's cord blood through Viacord right after he's born. I have done some research on this topic and though stem cell technology is yet at its infancy, the advent of medical research may speed up its growth in the future. Our main concern at first was the cost, especially for the first year. But we figured this will serve as an insurance (which we hope we'll never use).

Why did we finally decide to bank his cord blood? There have been quite a few transplants using a baby's cord blood at present. Though the diseases being treated are those that are few and far between, who knows what the future might bring. Both our families have histories of cancer. Hubz' dad died of liver cancer, and my grandpa succumbed to prostate cancer. My dad has recently been diagnosed with colon cancer (but thank God it was detected early on). Stroke and heart diseases, not to mention diabetes is also rampant in our families, so does high cholasterol. True, we can avoid these diseases by a lifestyle change. However, some diseases are just genetic by nature. Take me, for instance. Who would've thought I used to have high cholasterol when I was even considered underweight pre-pregnancy?! Blame it on bad genes! My dad has uncontrollable cholasterol level even when he barely eats at all!

I asked my roommate when I was weighing this option and she gave a valid point. Our lives are not within our hands - it is with God's. Miracles do happen everyday (and our baby is a testimony to that). But maybe God is also giving us an option when he opened the doors for stem cell research.

Basically, the decision lies in every family. But as a parent, what wouldn't you give for your child, right?

The Last Stretch

I'm on my last trimester and a few more weeks, I'll be able to see, hold, and hug our baby - I can hardly wait!

I have had a relatively easy pregnancy (thank God!). In fact, I've had much more trouble getting pregnant (due to infertility issues) than staying pregnant! Though I have had some barfing episodes in the past, those were tolerable enough and it happens usually at night after dinner. Besides, they were few and far between that I don't really consider it a bad case of morning sickness. I've seen worse and I can only be thankful mine was very mild.

I had my glucose screening test and though I failed the 1-hour test, I aced the 3-hour one. All 4 blood tests for the 3-hour screening came back normal so the doctor was really surprised I failed the 1-hour test at all. I blame it on a bad fast. I was supposed to fast for 12 hours before going in for the test. By 10pm the previous night, I was still feasting on egg pie, and then I went in for my test at 8am. They drew my blood at exactly 9am (an hour after they gave me a very sweet juice to drink). God is really good because I've been praying so hard to pass my second test, which thankfully, I did. I was more worried of the risks to the baby associated with gestational diabetes than I am with dieting. And then, there are holidays coming up which would definitely make it difficult for me to control eating... :)

Now my only complaint is numbness on my wrist and fingers. My doctor calls it carpal tunnel. A wrist splint helps but it doesn't make the pain go away. She said if I really want to get rid of it, I need to see a specialist who will inject steroids. The sound of it just freaked me out so I told her I'd rather not - for my baby's sake.