Reflections on Motherhood
I have never understood fully what my mom sacrificed to bring me out into the world until I became pregnant. She had a difficult pregnancy. For the first trimester, she threw out everything she ate, but she kept eating because it was the only way I'd survive. She took care of herself because she wanted me to be healthy. She did everything she was supposed to do, even gave up a thriving career when I was born just so she can take care of me personally. You never really know until you experience all these yourself.
Having a baby is a total lifestyle change. My body has been changing with it too. My heaviest was at 100lbs, and I have had a hard time even attaining that weight. Now I'm up to 103 lbs. My waistline was 26 pre-pregnancy, while it's 32 now - 2 more inches and I'll have the same waistline as hubz.
In Manila, I noticed that I was having a hard time fitting into my pants. I even bought a couple of jeans at size 28. I blamed eating too much as the source of my growing tummy. It was only when I came back that I realized I had a baby growing inside of me. No wonder I'm always hungry, and I eat as if it was my last meal! Hubz would tease me that I have a big tummy - now he takes pride seeing it grow!
I had my very first ultrasound last Friday and it was an amazing experience. I saw our baby's heartbeat. It was like a butterfly fluffing its wings. I also saw the baby move for the first time, as if saying "hey mommy, look what I can do". I couldn't help but cry. The feeling was so overwhelming. I am truly in awe of God's goodness. How can one egg and a sperm create a life? Only through God's infinite power.... Too bad hubz isn't here to share this experience with me.
Sure I feel queasy, but I feel fortunate that I haven't really thrown what I eat out of my system. I used to hate milk because it upsets my stomach but I now drink a couple of glasses a day, plus orange juice with calcium, to make sure I have enough vitamins for our baby's development. I get frequent migraines now but that doesn't bother me. I love being pregnant. Here's this little creature whose very existence depended on me. He trusts me completely - without question.
Now I know that when you're a mom, you'd do anything and everything for your child. In as much as my mom has taken good care of me while I was growing up, I hope to do the same, if not better, for my own child.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Sunday, June 5, 2005
Reminiscing the trip home...
Well, I'm definitely back, with a bulging tummy at that! Everything I'm feeling is foreign to me, but I do welcome them if it meant our baby is growing inside of me. Sure, I still miss my husband terribly, though at least I have someone to keep me company.... :)
Before my first appointment with my gynecologist, I checked my charts (I was required to keep track of my basal temperature the moment I wake up in the morning). I just realized that my temperate shot up as high as 100.4 degrees (Fahrenheit) on April 20th. My usual basal temps were only on the 97s. What does this mean? It means that I ovulated the day before or on the 20th itself - while we were in Cebu!
Ok, our trip to Cebu wasn't all that. In fact, among all our other trips, that was our least favorite due to very bad customer service at Shang Mactan. Long story... So, you can just imagine that a trip we'd rather forget brought us the baby we've long hoped for. In short, at least something good came out of it.
Our next stop was Panglao in Bohol. This was one trip we truly enjoyed. We stayed at Panglao Island Nature Resort. There wasn't much water activity to do (truly a honeymooner's paradise), but the resort is just oh-so-romantic. To top it off, Bohol is beautiful. The Boholanons were able to maintain their lush greens and the wonder of the famous Chocolate Hills. We were also treated to a special lunch cruising the Loboc River (we were told this was where the movie "Panaghoy sa Suba" was shot). And those tersiers were just endearing. They're not frightening at all!
Between Cebu and Bohol, we also got to see Avilon Zoo. I must say, I was impressed at how they were able to maintain the place and the animals looked well-fed.
Then there were our constant trips to my grandmother's hometown, Pagsanjan. This was also where my aunt celebrated her birthday. Grandma must've invited the whole town!!!! Funny because they seem to know me all, but I don't remember meeting them - ever!
Our last stop was Tagaytay - where we reminisced when we first became a couple. Yep, it was at Picnic Grove in Tagaytay on Nov. 12, 1994 that I first said "I love you" to my now-husband. We also stopped at a chapel called "W.I.S.H". The inscription said that if you hold Our Lady of Manaoag's hands and make a wish, it will be granted. We did just that - and fervently wished for a baby. Our miracle was granted and we will forever be grateful.
To give you a visual of where we've been, and maybe give you an idea where to go, here are some photos we hope you'd enjoy.
'Til my next trip home (whenever that'll be)....
Well, I'm definitely back, with a bulging tummy at that! Everything I'm feeling is foreign to me, but I do welcome them if it meant our baby is growing inside of me. Sure, I still miss my husband terribly, though at least I have someone to keep me company.... :)
Before my first appointment with my gynecologist, I checked my charts (I was required to keep track of my basal temperature the moment I wake up in the morning). I just realized that my temperate shot up as high as 100.4 degrees (Fahrenheit) on April 20th. My usual basal temps were only on the 97s. What does this mean? It means that I ovulated the day before or on the 20th itself - while we were in Cebu!
Ok, our trip to Cebu wasn't all that. In fact, among all our other trips, that was our least favorite due to very bad customer service at Shang Mactan. Long story... So, you can just imagine that a trip we'd rather forget brought us the baby we've long hoped for. In short, at least something good came out of it.
Our next stop was Panglao in Bohol. This was one trip we truly enjoyed. We stayed at Panglao Island Nature Resort. There wasn't much water activity to do (truly a honeymooner's paradise), but the resort is just oh-so-romantic. To top it off, Bohol is beautiful. The Boholanons were able to maintain their lush greens and the wonder of the famous Chocolate Hills. We were also treated to a special lunch cruising the Loboc River (we were told this was where the movie "Panaghoy sa Suba" was shot). And those tersiers were just endearing. They're not frightening at all!
Between Cebu and Bohol, we also got to see Avilon Zoo. I must say, I was impressed at how they were able to maintain the place and the animals looked well-fed.
Then there were our constant trips to my grandmother's hometown, Pagsanjan. This was also where my aunt celebrated her birthday. Grandma must've invited the whole town!!!! Funny because they seem to know me all, but I don't remember meeting them - ever!
Our last stop was Tagaytay - where we reminisced when we first became a couple. Yep, it was at Picnic Grove in Tagaytay on Nov. 12, 1994 that I first said "I love you" to my now-husband. We also stopped at a chapel called "W.I.S.H". The inscription said that if you hold Our Lady of Manaoag's hands and make a wish, it will be granted. We did just that - and fervently wished for a baby. Our miracle was granted and we will forever be grateful.
To give you a visual of where we've been, and maybe give you an idea where to go, here are some photos we hope you'd enjoy.
'Til my next trip home (whenever that'll be)....
Friday, May 27, 2005
A very wonderful blessing
I had an appointment with my gynecologist today and she has confirmed what we've known all along - I'm 7 weeks pregnant!!!!! We're just so thrilled!
A week ago, at 5:30 in the morning, and after being delayed for 43 days, we decided to brave it through and take the pregnancy test. Hubz wanted to be a part of the whole ritual so I called him. As I immersed the test stick into the urine cup (sorry if the details are gross), I had my eyes closed the whole time - I was praying and eagerly awaiting the result. When I opened my eyes and the tester said "pregnant" (I had a hi-tech digital pregnancy tester), I gasped for breath. After that, I was just crying - tears of joy. Hubz said he had tears in his eyes too.
We have been praying for our little angel since the year we got married. The thought of having a baby occupied every waking moment of my life. I cry whenever I see, hear, or read baby news from friends. It seemed to be happening to everyone except us. This year, I resolved to take control of my life, and trust God that in His time, He will give us the desires of our heart.
You see, we were happy beyond words because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I don't ovulate, and so we have to see a specialist every year (and spend a fortune on workups, medications, treatments) to trigger my ovulation. For two years, I ovulated but there was no baby. We decided to forego treatments this year, except for some medications that we're still taking. We did not see our doctor. We decided to put our complete trust in God. We turned to prayers.
There is truly nothing impossible with God. When I was first diagnosed of PCOS, it was devastating for me. I wasn't like any other women who just thinks of having another baby and poof, she's pregnant. Ours took a while longer, but it was definitely worth the wait.
People would still say it is going to be tough to raise a baby on my own (with hubz still waiting for his visa to be able to join me here), but we have decided to trust the Lord. After all, it was He who granted us our prayers, so He must've known we can handle it.
To our little angel, know that you are loved even before you were conceived. We longed for you even before we knew you. You were our little miracle - truly heaven-sent. You were the greatest blessing that has ever happened to us.
I had an appointment with my gynecologist today and she has confirmed what we've known all along - I'm 7 weeks pregnant!!!!! We're just so thrilled!
A week ago, at 5:30 in the morning, and after being delayed for 43 days, we decided to brave it through and take the pregnancy test. Hubz wanted to be a part of the whole ritual so I called him. As I immersed the test stick into the urine cup (sorry if the details are gross), I had my eyes closed the whole time - I was praying and eagerly awaiting the result. When I opened my eyes and the tester said "pregnant" (I had a hi-tech digital pregnancy tester), I gasped for breath. After that, I was just crying - tears of joy. Hubz said he had tears in his eyes too.
We have been praying for our little angel since the year we got married. The thought of having a baby occupied every waking moment of my life. I cry whenever I see, hear, or read baby news from friends. It seemed to be happening to everyone except us. This year, I resolved to take control of my life, and trust God that in His time, He will give us the desires of our heart.
You see, we were happy beyond words because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I don't ovulate, and so we have to see a specialist every year (and spend a fortune on workups, medications, treatments) to trigger my ovulation. For two years, I ovulated but there was no baby. We decided to forego treatments this year, except for some medications that we're still taking. We did not see our doctor. We decided to put our complete trust in God. We turned to prayers.
There is truly nothing impossible with God. When I was first diagnosed of PCOS, it was devastating for me. I wasn't like any other women who just thinks of having another baby and poof, she's pregnant. Ours took a while longer, but it was definitely worth the wait.
People would still say it is going to be tough to raise a baby on my own (with hubz still waiting for his visa to be able to join me here), but we have decided to trust the Lord. After all, it was He who granted us our prayers, so He must've known we can handle it.
To our little angel, know that you are loved even before you were conceived. We longed for you even before we knew you. You were our little miracle - truly heaven-sent. You were the greatest blessing that has ever happened to us.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
After almost a month-long rendezvous with hubz in Manila, I am now back to reality. I got back to SFO on Saturday night - sad, alone, and jet lagged!
I'm still in the process of organizing my thoughts but I wanted to make my presence known. To all those who remembered our anniversary, thank you! It had been an amazing two years.
I'll be back to blog soon, with photos of our trips to boot.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Because I will be in hiatus for a full month, I am leaving with a hodge podge of things on my blog:
Happy Birthday to the wonderful man I married - someone who loved and accepted me for who and what I am. I can truly say that you're one of the best that has ever happened to me. I am grateful because God has heard my prayers and He gave me more than what I asked for. I love you - always and forever!
Happy second anniversary hubz! Time just flew by, and I couldn't believe that two years have passed since our blissful wedding day. Had I known that being married to you is going to be the best feeling there is, I would've married you earlier... :) And though we're still far apart, know that in my heart, there is only you.... Here's to forever...
Happy birthday dad! I wish you good health, happiness, peace of mind, enlightenment, strength, hope. Though we've had our differences, no one can change the fact that without you, I will not be here today. I love you and I hope that time will heal all wounds and rekindle our relationship. God bless you!
Happy birthday ninang! Through the years, you have helped me and my family through hard times. Without your help, I do not know where we'll be today. For all those times you unselfishly gave and loved unconditionally, thank you. You will always have a special place in my heart. God bless you and your family always. May the happiness and generosity you shared be returned to you a hundredfold.
Happy Mother's Day to my grandmas (Nanay, Lola, and Mama), to my moms (Mommy and Mommy A.), to my Ninang. I pray that when I become a mother myself, I will be half as good, if not equally good, as you've been to your children and husbands. I love you all!
'Til my next post - a month later probably... :)
Friday, April 8, 2005
7 Days to Go...
I have been told that my smile, these days, spans from ear to ear. What better reason is there than the fact that I'm home-bound a week from today? For someone whose husband is away, I look forward to our yearly rendezvous year after year after year.
When I called hubz the other night, he was talking about how stressed he is these past few days. Of course I was worried that they're trying to squeeze in a full month's worth of work in a week's time (like they do to me over here). Fortunately, that wasn't the case. He's stressed because he's trying to find a condo unit for us (which luckily, he found one). Next, he was scouting for reasonable rates for our trip to Panglao for our second anniversary. Then, he was planning our hectic itinerary - leaving just enough time for us to spend time together - just the two of us. Also, he brought his car in for maintenance so it's ready for long trips to wherever.
As for me, it's been busy as usual - even more, I think. I'm trying to finish off all my post-implementation documents then get a head start on October 2005 Release (for which I was told I will be responsible for). But hey, I'm not complaining. In a week's time, I'm outta here... :)
Lastly, I think even nature's cooperating (if you know what I mean... wink, wink!).
I have been told that my smile, these days, spans from ear to ear. What better reason is there than the fact that I'm home-bound a week from today? For someone whose husband is away, I look forward to our yearly rendezvous year after year after year.
When I called hubz the other night, he was talking about how stressed he is these past few days. Of course I was worried that they're trying to squeeze in a full month's worth of work in a week's time (like they do to me over here). Fortunately, that wasn't the case. He's stressed because he's trying to find a condo unit for us (which luckily, he found one). Next, he was scouting for reasonable rates for our trip to Panglao for our second anniversary. Then, he was planning our hectic itinerary - leaving just enough time for us to spend time together - just the two of us. Also, he brought his car in for maintenance so it's ready for long trips to wherever.
As for me, it's been busy as usual - even more, I think. I'm trying to finish off all my post-implementation documents then get a head start on October 2005 Release (for which I was told I will be responsible for). But hey, I'm not complaining. In a week's time, I'm outta here... :)
Lastly, I think even nature's cooperating (if you know what I mean... wink, wink!).
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
This is how I want to remember His Holiness - lively, charming, gentle, loving, caring.
It was hubz who first broke the news to me via a text message confirming that the Pope has passed away. I was sleeping then because I was on graveyard shift the previous night. Being a light sleeper, the mere beep on my cellphone woke me up. When I read the message, I couldn’t help but cry. I haven’t seen him in person but I felt a deep connection with him. After all, he was the only Pope I knew. Everything about the Pope is the one news I crave for these days. Usually, I get tired at seeing the same news over and over again.
Here is this great man who served the Lord up until his very last breath. Here is someone who obeyed God's will until the very end. Here is one Angel that the world was blessed with.
Goodbye Papa. I will miss you terribly.
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